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Al Teal
Level 2


Georgia
366 Posts

Posted - 03/30/2007 :  15:02:07  Show Profile  Visit Al Teal's Homepage Send Al Teal a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Come on and post a joke or riddle...


A drunk was taking a short-cut through a cemetery when he heard a voice: 的知 cold, I知 cold. He kept walking and hearing the voice until he came upon a freshly dug grave where somebody had fallen in.
The drunk looked down and said 哲o wonder you池e cold. You done kicked off all your dirt.
__________
unknown

Sondre
Level 5



Norway
3549 Posts

Posted - 03/31/2007 :  04:58:05  Show Profile  Visit Sondre's Homepage  Send Sondre an AOL message  Click to see Sondre's MSN Messenger address  Send Sondre a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
You know why the King is not allowed in the card club?

he has such a poker face



Sondre

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Lemonkey
Level 3



United Kingdom
901 Posts

Posted - 03/31/2007 :  05:29:03  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
DIRTY JOKE DELETED BY REQUEST OF THE AUTHOR.

Not particularly funny: Opinion of Dave.

Edited by - Dave Altman on 03/31/2007 08:30:29
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Dave Altman
Administrator



Georgia
621 Posts

Posted - 03/31/2007 :  05:48:51  Show Profile  Visit Dave Altman's Homepage Send Dave Altman a Private Message  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lemonkey
See post above.

Come on, Tom. Let's try to keep it clean. If you are going to push the envelope, do it with something a little more clever. Please don't turn me into a dirty joke censor. It's hard for me because I actually like dirty jokes as well as clean. It's just a slipperly slope. Think of this joke as the line-in-the-sand.

Please self-censor yourselves, folks.



Dave, a juggler

Edited by - Dave Altman on 03/31/2007 08:31:43
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Lemonkey
Level 3



United Kingdom
901 Posts

Posted - 03/31/2007 :  08:23:36  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
:(

I thought that one was tame. :
How about it gets deleted to prevent any backlash?


A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

的'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the o ld man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"
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Dave Altman
Administrator



Georgia
621 Posts

Posted - 03/31/2007 :  08:35:32  Show Profile  Visit Dave Altman's Homepage Send Dave Altman a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Now you're cooking, Tom. I like that one, and he forgot the orange juice, too.


Dave, a juggler
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AndyB
Level 3



United Kingdom
646 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2007 :  04:04:38  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Bit old, but what the heck!

A woman phones her husband who is driving home on the motorway. The woman says "I've just heard on the radio that there's some idiot driving on the wrong side of the motorway!"
The husband replies "One?!? There's hundreds of them!"

(There, I even removed all swearing and nudity from this joke to make it more forum-friendly )
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michael_k
Level 1



Germany
26 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2007 :  04:52:39  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A funny riddle - not too dirty I hope...

The mother ist 21 years older than her daughter.
In six years from now, the mother will be five times as old as her daughter.
Where is the father ???
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Dave Altman
Administrator



Georgia
621 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2007 :  04:55:03  Show Profile  Visit Dave Altman's Homepage Send Dave Altman a Private Message  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by AndyB

Bit old, but what the heck!...
(There, I even removed all swearing and nudity from this joke to make it more forum-friendly )

Well, it's not THAT old. It's AC, not BC. (After Cellphones/Before Cellphones)

I don't know if you removed all the nudity. On any given day, there are usually a few people "entertaining" themselves on the way back from work.


Dave, a juggler
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Zherec
Level 2



Finland
312 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2007 :  07:33:02  Show Profile  Visit Zherec's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It痴 a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie痴 lips.

"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie. "I am Pierre, the famous French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre the famous French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!" They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" Our hero, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river.

Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, what in the hell do you think you池e doing?"

Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre the famous French fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

-Janne Laakso
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AndyB
Level 3



United Kingdom
646 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2007 :  07:39:29  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I like that one I do :-)
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Dave Altman
Administrator



Georgia
621 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2007 :  07:48:41  Show Profile  Visit Dave Altman's Homepage Send Dave Altman a Private Message  Reply with Quote
OK, but remember to try and keep it clean, Janne. I thought the joke was going to mention crabs and what wine goes with that, but anyway, let's try to stay away from sexual jokes for the most part. I know it's hard because that is where most of the good jokes are, but it's a challenge to be funny and not tell blue jokes. Jugglers like a challenge, don't we? If we can think of a harder way of doing something, we do that instead of the easy and ordinary way.

EDITED: Of course, YOU like that joke, Andy.


Dave, "The World's Mostly Juggler"

Edited by - Dave Altman on 04/02/2007 07:51:41
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AndyB
Level 3



United Kingdom
646 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2007 :  07:59:55  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I went to the doctor and told him "I can't pronounce my F's and my T's".
He said "Well you can't say fairer than that".

Clean as a whistle, Dave!
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Dave Altman
Administrator



Georgia
621 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2007 :  08:05:04  Show Profile  Visit Dave Altman's Homepage Send Dave Altman a Private Message  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by AndyB

I went to the doctor and told him "I can't pronounce my F's and my T's".
He said "Well you can't say fairer than that".

Clean as a whistle, Dave!

I guess? But, I don't get it, Andy. "Airer han ha"? Also, how did he say, "I can't pronounce my F's and my T's", if he couldn't pronounce his "F's" and "T's"?



Dave, "The World's Mostly Juggler"

Edited by - Dave Altman on 04/02/2007 08:09:24
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Zherec
Level 2



Finland
312 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2007 :  08:08:39  Show Profile  Visit Zherec's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Ok. The next one will be as clean as something clean.

Knock knock.

Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry; it's only a knock-knock joke.

-Janne Laakso
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Dave Altman
Administrator



Georgia
621 Posts

Posted - 04/02/2007 :  08:11:05  Show Profile  Visit Dave Altman's Homepage Send Dave Altman a Private Message  Reply with Quote
OK, but now try a joke that is clean and FUNNY! ;-)


Dave, "The World's Mostly Juggler"
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